Learn to Love

Day…? I don’t even know/care anymore. But it is 4th of July, my favorite holiday, and probably my favorite day of 2010 so far.

The fireworks display in the park was amazing. For such a sad little town, we put on a damn good fireworks show. I think every person in Ste. Gen was there tonight, which was really fun. I finally got to feel what small town pride is. It’s hard to explain, but I know I felt it.

While I was watching the fireworks, I kept thinking about where I used to be. I used to be the girl who would watch fireworks, hoping that someday I would have someone to watch them with. I always categorized fireworks into something romantic that should be shared between two people in love.

I have that now - but I realized my thinking was kind of skewed, and pretty pathetic. I looked over at my best friend, Kyla, and felt just as happy knowing she was sitting next to me as I felt about Stephen being there. I never needed a boyfriend to enjoy a holiday. I needed someone, anyone, to share it with.

I’m not that girl anymore. I’m not always hoping for something better. I’m happy with what I have now. I’m happy with who I am now. I’m simply happy.

I was in the middle of something great tonight. My two best friends. My town. My pride. My life.

And I wouldn’t change a thing.

Day 6

Sorry I missed a Tumble! I was too busy working on my speech, and I promise there was nothing going on in Day 5 that was worth blogging about. But that’s over with, so now it’s back to business. Was the weather not gorgeous today? I didn’t get much of a chance to go outside, but Stephen and I played catch for a bit tonight. Safe to say I still suck at throwing a football, but I guess it’s the catching that counts. I’m so excited for Fourth of July weekend. I love everything about the Fourth. Fireworks. Bomb Pops. Barbeques. Friends. Family. Can’t wait!

Loving life right now. It feels like summer has been lost until today.

Happy thoughts and happy hopes to my loved ones.

<3

Day 4

Went out with Mom & Kyla today. We went to lunch at Bread Company, and shopped a bit. I realized it’s much easier to eat healthy when you have yummy options to choose from. I’m hoping I can recreate some of the sandwiches and salads off the Bread Company menu at home. I’m stressing out over a speech I have to give on Wednesday for my online Communications Between Cultures class. Hopefully after that’s over, I can focus more. I hate how stressed out I get over these speeches. It’s ridiculous. But I can do it.

I’m looking forward to a long work out tomorrow to help take the stress off from the speech. I’m thinking about walking down to Ste. Gen High’s track and doing a couple laps. 

Welp, that’s all I have for today. I’m feeling sleepy, and boring.

Goodnight!

Day 3

I really fucked it up today. Ate too much. Didn’t move enough.

Mom made grilled hot dogs and mac & cheese for dinner. I was doomed from the beginning. I’m starting to wonder if I will ever be able to eat normal portions of the things I love. I feel digusting. But it’s my fault, as usual.

I guess I’ll be kicking my ass in the heat tomorrow as punishment for my binge. All for that extra hot dog and serving of mac & cheese.

Was it worth it? Probably not.

Day 2…still!

I was thinking while I was washing the lake water and sand out of my hair - “A day like this deserves two blog posts!” So, here it is.

Stephen and I drove out to St. Joe State Park today. I discovered St. Joe’s on Tuesday, and it’s already one of my favorite places. It’s beautiful out there, and the two big lakes with their huge sandy beaches almost makes it feel like living in Missouri is just as good as California. The water was perfect, which is the only reason Stephen would swim with me (his tiny body can’t handle the cold water - wish I had that problem). It wasn’t crowded either, which is another jack pot. He held me. Almost the whole time. I think being sappy is terribly annoying, and I try to refrain from talking about my relationship to others. But just this once, I want to be annoying. For the first time in a long time, I felt proud being seen in public with him - even in a swimmingsuit! I occasionally thought of what others might think of “the fat girl and skinny guy,” but those stupid thoughts never stayed in my mind long enough to make me care. There was something about that moment - my legs wrapped around his waist, and my arms around his neck. Staring into eachother’s eyes and making goofy faces. I felt comfortable, safe, and beautiful. I love those moments when we both know how happy we are.

To top everything off, I got a nice tan…and it doesn’t get much better than that.